Still

Here it is again--the start of yet another post that will be saved to my drafts and never actually published to my blog. It's just not what it used to be. My writing has changed and the content and words I'm seeking remain just beyond my reach. Fear of my small readership prevents my from using this surface as my drawing board. And so I add the aimless thoughts to my growing repertoire of unfinished drafts. Bits and fragments fill the notebooks I still keep, but even they end mid thought with portions scribbled out in frustration.

I cringe when I look over more recent passages on my blog. The words that used to come so easy are labored over and unsatisfying when finished. I despise the gaps between postings knowing the times I habitually prepared to write then slammed shut the laptop on a white screen.

It's after 1:00am and I know sleep will still be awhile in coming. I've already updated on Hulu's most recent of House, Bones, and The Office. Tomorrow will begin early with 18 preschoolers, who have alternatives views on discipline and so I know I need to sleep. But a blank page was mocking me and so I had to try...

It's late. I'm not quite sure why I'm moving the curser towards the Publish Post.